Submission and Respect from Wives – 1 Peter 3:1-6

1 Peter Bible Study Notes, Week 10

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.  Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:1-6

Things to think about

To who are you submissive?  How do you express this?
What are some expressions of biblical submission?
Are you more concerned with your inner self or your outer appearance?
How much time (and money?) do you spend developing your inner self compared with time spent on personal grooming?
Who are the “holy women of old” that Peter is referring to?
Name some Bible women who were submissive to their husbands?


Inner Beauty 

In this passage, Peter speaks directly to the Christian wives and dissuades them from focusing on their outward appearance.  In the Old Testament it seems that a woman’s worth was largely determined by how she looked and appealed to men.  A beautiful woman was worth more than a plain woman.  In the New Testament, a woman’s appearance does not seem to be nearly as important.  [More on this here.]

One of the reasons Peter (and Paul) dissuaded women from focusing on their looks was because a woman’s hairstyle,  jewelry and clothes, reflected her social status and wealth, and distinctions of status and wealth were undesirable in early church communities where equality was encouraged and favouritism discouraged.  [More on this here.]  Instead of being concerned with their appearance, Peter wanted the Christian women to focus on their character.  He wanted them to live virtuous lives and have a beautiful character.  And  he wanted them to be submissive to their own husbands.

The instruction for wifely submission in 1 Peter 3:1 picks up again on the theme of submission that Peter began earlier in his letter.  Peter had first told all Christians to submit to governing authorities using an imperative verb (1 Pet 2:13).  Then he used a participle of submission in his instruction to the household servants to be submissive to their masters (1 Pet 2:18). Then he used the participle again in his instruction to wives to be submissive to their husbands (1 Peter 3:1).   Being submissive – which includes being humble, deferential, cooperative, loyal and respectful – is a characteristic of Christ-like living.

The following has been largely copied and pasted from a previous article entitled Submission and Respect from Wives: 1 Peter 3:1-6.

The Holy Women of the Past

I’ve read 1 Peter 3:5-6 countless times and have never questioned what Peter wrote.  I just accepted that there must be numerous “holy women of the past” who were examples of the kind of wifely submission that is promoted in many churches today.  I had also simply accepted that Sarah must have been a particularly good example of wifely submission.

Just recently I’ve been taking a closer look at these verses and I’ve started asking some questions about the text.  For example: Who were these “holy women of the past”?  And: In what way was Sarah  submissive to Abraham?  Here are some of my findings and thoughts.

In 1 Peter 3:1ff, Peter addressed the Christian women of Asia Minor and he urged them to be submissive to their (mostly unsaved) husbands.  He also wanted them to focus on their inner beauty rather than on their outer beauty and live their lives in purity.[1]  The purpose of Peter’s instruction was evangelistic.  Peter hoped that the virtuous behaviour and lifestyle of the Christian wives might be persuasive and “win” (a missionary term) the husbands.  These men had been unpersuaded by the Word (logos); however  Peter suggests that they may be won to the Christian faith without a word (logos) from their godly Christian wives.

Peter used the examples of the “holy women of the past” to illustrate how the women should behave.  But who exactly were these women who Peter had in mind?

As I go through the list of Bible women in my mind, apart from Sarah, I cannot find one single clear example of a  woman who submitted to her husband.  On the contrary the Bible gives us numerous examples of holy women who did not behave in (what much of the Church would consider) a submissive manner towards their husbands.[2]

Several holy women took the initiative in significant situations, without apparent permission, protection or cooperation from men.  These women include Moses’ mother (Exodus 2:1-3);  Rahab (Joshua 2:1-6); Deborah (Judges 4-5); Ruth  (Ruth 2:2-3; 3:1-6); Hannah (1 Samuel chs 1-2); and a well-to-do Shunamite woman (2 Kings 4:8-37); etc. [3]

Several holy women were the primary or first recipients of divine, angelic or prophetic visitations without the intervention or presence of a husband or male guardian. The following are just a few examples where God, an angel, or a prophet spoke directly to a woman: Rebekah (Genesis 25:22-23); Samson’s mother (Judges 13); the “Wailing Women” (Jeremiah 9:17);  Mary, the mother of Jesus (Luke 1:26-38); Mary Magdalene (Mat 28:9-10; Mark 16:9-11; John 20:17-18), etc.  Moreover Huldah, Miriam, Deborah and Anna are themselves acknowledged as respected prophetesses in the Bible.  Philip’s daughters were also recognised as prophetesses.

Several holy women went against authority figures, disobeyed laws and disregarded the wishes of their own husbands.  Shiphrah and Puah disobeyed Pharoah’s command, and God blessed them for their disobedience (Exodus 1:15-21).  Rebekah and Abigail went against their husband’s wishes.  There is no hint of censure against Rebekah in the Bible (Genesis 27:1-28:2); and Abigail was commended for her wise and brave actions (1 Samuel 25).  Queen Esther, in order to save the Jewish people, disobeyed a law and risked her life by coming into her husband’s presence without being summoned (Esther 4:11; 5:1).

It seems that Peter may not have had any specific woman in mind (apart from Sarah) when he mentioned “the holy women of the past who submitted themselves to their husbands”.  It seems he may have been writing about godly women in general.

I am actually amazed that there are so many women mentioned in the Bible who took the initiative and acted  bravely and independently in what was a very patriarchal society.  I am equally amazed that there are almost no  women mentioned in the Bible who are obvious examples of wifely submission.   I guess women who lead nations (Judges chs 4-5) and ward off aggressive armies (1 Sam ch 25), etc, are more interesting than women who lead quiet lives in the home, and so the more interesting women and their stories have made it into the Bible.

Sarah’s Submission

Sarah is the only Bible woman who clearly submitted to her husband’s wishes.  It was a great act of submission and courage for Sarah to leave her home and clan and accompany her husband on a difficult, dangerous journey into the unknown (Gen 12:1-5).

Furthermore, on two occasions Sarah complied with her husband’s request to deceive a foreign king. (See Genesis 12:10-20 and 20:1-18, esp. Gen 20:13b)  Abraham was worried that the kings would kill him in order to clear the way to his beautiful wife.  Sarah must have been a stunner.  Abraham asked Sarah to go along with the ruse that he was her brother and not her husband (Gen 12:11-13; 20:13b).  This was a half-truth as Sarah was Abraham’s half-sister (Gen 20:12).

Abraham’s motives appear to have been completely selfish.  His only concern was for his own safety.  He does not seem to have been concerned about his wife who was taken by foreign kings, twice (Gen 12:15; 20:2-3).  The Bible is clear that on the second occasion Sarah was spared from being sexually violated by the king, but it is seems that she actually became the first king’s wife for a short time (Gen 12:19 cf 20:4-6).[4]

Sarah did not submit because Abraham was her master; she submitted because she wanted to protect her husband.  Sarah, however, did not always go along with what Abraham wanted.  For instance, Sarah wanted to dismiss Hagar and Ishmael, but this idea distressed Abraham.  On this occasion, God said to Abraham (literally): “. . . in everything, whatever Sarah says to you, listen to her voice.” (Genesis 21:12b, translated from the Septuagint).  In Genesis 16:2 it says that Abraham (literally) obeyed Sarah’s voice.  The Greek word hupakouō used in this verse is a common word in the Septuagint (The Greek Old Testament) and the Greek New Testament and is usually translated as “obey”.  Conversely, nowhere in the Genesis narratives of Abraham and Sarah does it actually state that Sarah “obeyed” her husband. “Nevertheless, the submission of Sarah to Abraham was a long-standing element of Jewish traditions.” (Jobes 2005:205)[5]

Sarah’s Respect

Peter also mentions that Sarah called Abraham her “lord”.  The Greek word for “lord”, kurios, is common in the Septuagint and New Testament.  Kurios is usually translated into English as “lord”, “master” or “sir”.[6]

Sarah refers to Abraham as her kurios in Genesis 18:12 in the Septuagint, “. . . though she does not address him directly by that term.  This noun [kurios] is the only lexical connection between the story of Sarah and Peter’s claim.” (Jobes 2005:205)  Interestingly, Rebekah calls Abraham’s servant “sir” (kurios) in Genesis 24:18.

In our culture it would be very odd for a wife to call her husband “lord” or “sir”.  Sarah and Rebekah, however, were simply using a polite term of respect that was appropriate for the culture of that time.  The New Testament has clear instructions for husbands and for wives to treat their marriage partners with honour and respect.  (See 1 Peter 3:7 and Ephesians 5:33).

Sarah’s Courage

I suspect that Peter’s use of “the holy women of the past” as examples was to highlight their faithfulness and trust in God, more so than their submission to their husband.  Many Old Testament women showed great faithfulness to God and displayed considerable courage in difficult circumstances.[7]  An important part of Peter’s advice is for wives to do what is good, or what is right, and not to be afraid.

You are [Sarah’s] daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear (1 Peter 3:6b, NIV 2011.)[8]

Sarah was fearless because she trusted in God.  When she heeded Abraham’s request, she wasn’t trusting in her husband but trusting in God to take care of the situation.  Sarah was courageous and willing to mislead the kings, putting her wellbeing in jeopardy, in order to save her husband’s life.

Sarah did not always comply with her husband’s wishes.  Sarah used her own wisdom and discernment when deciding whether or not she would do what Abraham wanted.  While husbands, as well as wives, should always be seeking to support, help and accommodate their spouse, they also need to be sensible and wise, and do the right thing.  Sometimes doing the good and right thing may mean not complying with the request of your spouse.

Real Submission

The purpose of this article is not to say that women do not need to be submissive to their own husbands.  In fact, the New Testament is clear that humility and submission are Christian virtues for men and for  women (Eph 5:21).[9]  The purpose of this article is to show that women can have a humble and submissive attitude and still use their intelligence, influence, initiative and individual abilities without artificial limitations.  This becomes evident when you use real Bible women as examples of submission, rather than the idealised, romanticised or overly domesticated versions of womanhood promoted by some churches.

I actually think that the church’s view of wifely submission has been distorted by a patriarchal mindset, combined with a  misunderstanding of the Greek.  The Greek word for “submit” (hupotassō) has a military usage and meaning of “subordinate”, and a non-military usage and meaning of “cooperate”.[10]   It is tragic that the church has taken the more severe military meaning of hupotassō and applied it to the precious and intimate relationship of marriage.

The church has largely expected women to be subordinate and servile to men[11], rather than seeing men and women as true equals who are to mutually love and care for each other.  Moreover, contrary to the examples of godly women in the Bible, the church has tried to limit the parameters and opportunities for women to use their influence and abilities.  We must be very careful not to let a narrow, graceless and faulty concept of submission bind women and limit the use of their talents and skills – talents and skills that God may want use for his purposes.


Endnotes

[1] Sarah was outwardly very beautiful.  Many women in the Old Testament are described primarily as being beautiful.  Conversely, no woman in the New Testament is described as being beautiful.  [More on this here.]

[2] Many Christians (who call themselves “Complementarians”) go further than what the Bible says, and they teach that all women should be submissive to all men.  (See chapter one of Piper, John, and Grudem, Wayne (editors), Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Westchester, Il: Crossway Books, 2006. Available online here. [This link is currently broken.]

[3] “Many Bible women displayed considerable courage as they helped others and were used by God to achieve his purposes.  Brave Bible women include: Jael (Judges 4:21; 5:24-27); the woman who killed Abimelech (Judges 9:53); Rahab (Joshua 2:1-6); Abigail (1 Samuel ch 25); the servant girl who was given a dangerous task (2 Samuel 17:17-18); the woman of Bashurin (2 Samuel 17:19-20); Esther (Esther, esp 4:11 &16); and Priscilla, who risked her life for Paul’s sake, as did her husband Aquila (Romans 16:3-4). . . . Other women also showed commendable initiative, shrewdness and courage; women such as: Tamar (Genesis 38, esp v26), Naaman’s wife’s servant (2 Kings 5:3); Ruth (Ruth, esp 1:15-18; 2:2); The Wise Woman of Abel Beth Maacah (2 Samuel 20:15-22), etc.”  From The Women who Protected Moses.

[4] Abraham’s deception had disastrous consequences for the unsuspecting kings (Gen 12:17; 20:17).  Abraham, on the other hand, did not experience any negative consequences from his deception; instead, he profited from the experiences (Gen 12:16; 20:14-16).

[5] Jobes, Karen H., 1 Peter (Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament), Grand Rapids: Baker, 2005.

[6] The New Living Translation (NLT) has chosen what I think is the most severe of the three options and translates kurios as “master” in 1 Peter 3:6.  The NLT is known for the way it emphasises male authority.

[7] Life was difficult for the recipients of Peter’s letter.  The Christians in Asia Minor were being slandered and persecuted and they were fearful.  It would have been especially difficult for Christian wives with unsaved husbands. These women may have had no real alternative but to fully submit to their husbands, even when it jeopardised their safety.  Peter gives them the hope that their virtuous living may win their husbands for Jesus Christ.  (This seems to have been Peter’s main objective in his instruction.) In contemporary, Western society, women have more freedoms and  options.  Secular society does not expect wives to put up with foolishness or abuse from their husbands, and neither should the church.  Jesus came to bring freedom to those who are captive.  This is should be the church’s mission too.

[8] Literal translation: “whose children you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror” (1 Pet 3:6b).

[9] The ideal Christian marriage relationship is one of  mutual and reciprocal submission (i.e. loyalty, cooperation, deference and respect) between husband and wife (Eph 5:21; 1Pet 3:8).

[10] Thayers Bible Dictionary makes the distinction between the military and non-military usage of hupotassō. 

Hupotassō: A Greek military term meaning ‘to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader’. In non-military use, it was ‘a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden’.
http://www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/greek/nas/hupotasso.html

[11] Many churches associate wifely submission with wives being servile to their husbands,  yet both men and women are called to follow Jesus’ example of sacrificial and loving service.


< < < Week 9: The Suffering Servants – 1 Peter 2:18-25

> > > Week 11: Submission and Respect from Husbands – 1 Peter 3:7-8


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Posted April 24th, 2012 . Categories/Tags: 1 Peter, Bible Study Notes, , , , , ,

16 comments on “Submission and Respect from Wives – 1 Peter 3:1-6

  1. [...] Week 11: Submission and Respect from Wives – 1 Peter 3:1-6 [...]

  2. TL says:

    great words about the Holy Women of the past. Inspiring. I may use some of it for my Mother’s Day sermonette.

  3. Deborah says:

    Good thoughts, Marg. On the link between looks and patriarchy, the following might be of interest: http://soulation.org/jonalynblog/2012/04/ashley-judd-gets-it-right.html

  4. Marg says:

    Thanks TL. It’s gratifying to know that this is useful.

    Looking now, Deborah. Thanks.

  5. [...] Week 10: Submission and Respect from Wives – 1 Peter 3:1-6 [...]

  6. Rieanna says:

    “I actually think that the church’s view of wifely submission has been distorted by a patriarchal mindset, combined with a misunderstanding of the Greek.”

    I totally agree with this; I was actually thinking the same thing even before I read this and similar articles. There most likely could have been corrupted priests in early church history who, in this sense wanted to hold onto some of the old laws that Jesus broke and their interpretation/perception perhaps just passed down through the church from generation to generation, which explains why many people still do not properly understand this area today. Because the church just quotes it when that time of the liturgical year comes around; they never give a proper explanation of what this and similar scriptures mean. Man, they’re in for quite a suprise when they meet God face to face!

    Truth be told, the church has not only stolen from women through this, but also from itself and the world at large by not giving women the opportunity to share their gifts because women have ALOT to offer. (oh yea, they will definitely be held accountable for this.) Of course, the ignorant people who believe that the church is sinless would never believe that. But I know God alone is the only incorruptible entity….the truth is there have always been corrupted priests/pastors within the church misleading people. I don’t even want to think about how God is going to deal with them….

    I think this misunderstanding also has alot to do with their personal perceptions or the image of “the woman” that they have in their minds; some of them just cannot seem to bring themselves to see the woman as the bold, brave and authoritative creature that God created her to be….but that is THEIR inability to perceive things accurately, I am not going to let THEIR problem become a problem for me because I know better. I think the Mother of God is the perfect reference to that by the way…she was the only one, man or woman alike who had the priveleges she did (but they don’t point that out much – do they?) Not just conceiving the Son of God but also being crowned with the 12 stars and all the unique priveleges she has, which I’m glad for because I just love her so much…

    Thanks again for your work Marg, brilliant thought-provoking material. I pray for women and girls all over the world (especially in other religions) because I don’t want them to be subject to anything oppressive, but in some societies they just don’t know any better. I ask God to be their everything…women have had to put up with alot for far too long.

  7. Marg says:

    Hi Rieanna, I agree, women do put up with too much, and often unnecessarily.

    I love your observation that “the church has not only stolen from women … but also from itself and the world at large by not giving women the opportunity to share their gifts”

    I’m going to repost this quote on my newlife.id.au facebook page. I hope you don’t mind.

  8. Judy says:

    Hi Marg, what does hupakouō mean exactly? Is the same word used in Gen 21:12 from Abraham to Sarah in the LXX?

    Thanks

  9. Marg says:

    Hi Judy, hupakouō is a composite word made up of hupo (=under) and akouō (=hear). It is typically translated as “obey”.

    In Genesis 21:12 the word is akouō. Here God tells Abraham to listen to, or heed, Sarah.

    Hupakouō is used in Genesis 16:2, however, where Abraham obeyed Sarah.

  10. Ashley says:

    I had some one point out to me that reverent “phobos” and respect “phobeo” can mean to fear someone. Like to give reverential obedience to one in leadership. Like how we “fear” the Lord. That these verses say a woman should view her husband in reverent awe. Do you any articles that deal with the meaning of these words?

  11. Marg says:

    Hi Ashley,

    Phobos is a noun; phobeō is a verb. They basically mean the same thing except, of course, that one is a noun and the other a verb.

    No, I don’t have any articles on the word. It is a very common word in Greek, in both nominal and verbal forms, and is used to describe a range of emotions and behaviours from terror and fear to apprehension and anxiety to respect, reverence and awe.

    Here are two excerpts, one from arguably the most respected dictionary of New Testament words (TDNT), the abridged version, and another from arguably the most respected lexicon of New Testament and other early Christian literature (BDAG).

    I hope they help.

    “Fear as respect still has a place in human relationships (1 Pet. 2:18; 3:2; Eph. 6:5; Col. 3:22) but only on the basis of fear of God (1 Pet. 2:17). All believers are finally to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ (Eph. 5:21). Precisely because reverence is due to Christ, the point of these admonitions lies in the demand for a pure, patient and gentle heart (Col. 3:22; Eph. 6:5; 1 Pet. 3:2, 4). Geoffrey W. Bromiley “Phobeō” in Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, Abridged in One Volume, Eds. Gerhard Kittel and Gerhard Friedrich (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1985) p1276.

    Here are the definitions of phobeō in BDAG: (1) to be in an apprehensive state, be afraid . . . become frightened. (2) to have a profound measure of respect for, (have) reverence, respect, with special reference to fear of offending. Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, 3rd Edition, revised and edited by F.W Danker (University of Chicago Press, 2000) p1061. (His use of italics.)

  12. Ashley says:

    Thanks for getting back to me so fast. I was discussing this with someone who believes that because wives are told to “phobeo” there husbands as slaves are told to do so to their masters this is evidence of the husband’s status as leader. That it’s a respect due to someone in a leadership position i.e. husbands, masters, government, God. Is this not the case? Is it not saying give your husbands the respect due him as the leader but respect him in such a way that you don’t offend him? Thanks again for your patience.

  13. Marg says:

    Hi Ashley, these are all good questions.

    Behaving with respectful “fear” towards another person does not necessarily denote a leader-follower, or superior-inferior, dynamic in the New Testament scriptures.

    E.g. “Submit to one another out of reverence (phobeō) for Christ (Ephesians 5:21 NIV). (Greek: ὑποτασσόμενοι ἀλλήλοις ἐν φόβῳ Χριστοῦ.)

    I’m intrigued that your friend would use scriptures that seemingly endorse slavery to support the idea that husbands are the leaders of their wives. I think your friend is missing Paul’s true intent here. :(

  14. Ashley says:

    Thank you. It may not necessarily denote a leader-follower situation but my friend makes a good point. The passage you quoted says we are to “submit” to one another out of “phobeo” for Christ. That is an example of phobeo being from a follower to a leader.

    I’ve been looking for an instance in the scriptures where it’s used from a leader to a follower and not finding one. If phobeo is commonly used in a leader-follower situation and you paired that to wives submitting “in everything,” then I can’t see how the husband doesn’t have some position of leadership in the home that the wife does not. Husbands to my knowledge are never told to “revere” their wives. My friend is in a traditional marriage. The husband is the authoritative leader in the home.

    I’m always amazed by the speed of your responses. Thank you so much.

  15. Marg says:

    Hi Ashley, Ah, I see what you’re saying. It is our reverence for Christ which influences our behaviour in Ephesians 5:21, and Jesus is definitely our leader and superior. And later women are told to reverence their husbands which could be seen in the same light (Ephesians 5:33).

    I’ll see if I can find an instance where a person in a superior social position is instructed to reverence a person in a lower social position (according to the customs of the day), but I think it’s unlikely.

    The NT letter writers were speaking to people within a certain social setting with social dynamics and values that are so different from our own, yet they still manage to say some remarkable things with the intention of changing relationship dynamics away from those of a patriarchal, or hierarchal, society. For example, Peter tells husbands to honour (timē) their wives (1 Peter 1:7). And Paul tells husbands to give themselves up for their wives (Eph. 5:25). Remarkable!

    I can answer your questions quickly because most of them are straightforward and concern just one issue. I’ve been and out today and there is a comment from someone else that I still haven’t had time to answer because she brings up many issues at once. Anyway, I’m on my way out again.

  16. Marg says:

    I should add that phobeō is used twice in 1 Peter 3:1-6, the subject of this post.

    In verse 2 the verb is translated as “reverence” in the NRSV and NIV. This reverence is not directed towards anyone but is a characteristic of a woman’s demeanor, along with purity.

    In verse 6 a participle of phobeō is used. The NRSV translates 6b as “You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” (My emphasis.)

    Food for thought.

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